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(no subject)

Dec. 14th, 2006 | 11:09 am

Protection of their sick obsession's what they want from us. Protection by means of bloody wars becomes their greatest lust. Tripling their profits as we march right into war. Led are soon dead soldiers never knowing what's in store. They're looking down upon us sheep while we bow down to them. We die defending the country that's fucked us once again. They'll see us on the battlefield, they'll watch us in our homes. We realize that they're watching but our apathy has grown. They champion the living. They'll march to our grave. They'll miss our blind devotion and the taxes that we gave. This isn't fucking patriotism, it's marketing and selling war. While this country’s fucking morons only yearn for more and more. Can't we see this sickness is a goddamn government game. Vietnam and desert storm were both the fucking same. The conditioning propaganda is their most effective tool. They control these sightless masses who believe the people rule. This perverted patriotism is really fucking sick. The world's population sacrificed for making wallets thick. They have the masses brainwashed "we're so lucky to be free." They won't remove the blindfold fearing someday we may see. For if the people see the truth they might stand up and fight. The rich avoiding at all costs the danger of this sight. So kick back and fullfill their needs and thank their watchful eye. We'll finally have our freedom underneath them when we die. We sing about our freedom while our lives are sold and bought. We sit and count our blessings while our fallen "heroes" rot. So listen to your leaders and pray that Jesus saves. Cause it seems that all they do, they do for fucking graves.

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(no subject)

Oct. 19th, 2006 | 12:07 pm

    Know that humans are inherently weak and not good for much. That's why you don't want to have too many around you for too long. If they see that you are strong they will be attracted to you. Beware, for this is also always true about humans without exception: they will eventually attack what is strong and see it as their enemy. In their fear they display their need to bring what is seemingly above and beyond them down to their level... Somewhere, someone isn't impressed by your looks. Not all men jump through the hoops of your fire. You're unbelievably boring to more people than you'll ever know. It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that's dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It's so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to. I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine. 
    Isn't it pathetic that we can fuck but we can't look each other in the eyes? It's pathetic. Scar tissue is stronger than muscle tissue-you're turning me into scar tissue-I don't know if I should thank you or myself. 
    Hope is the last thing a person does before they are defeated. I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred, paranoia, and abandonment. However much of that gets heaped upon you doesn't matter - it's only a matter of how much you can take and what it does to you. I am ready for whatever's coming. I expect nothing but to be let down or turned away. I am alone. Goddamn. The shit hurts sometimes, but I realize what I am, what I have become. It's hard to get along with people. As much as you try to like them and accept them as individuals, it becomes difficult because they keep getting out of line and wasting your time.
    Life will not break your heart. It'll crush it.

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(no subject)

Oct. 6th, 2006 | 11:11 am

The latest graphic design project I've done. I had to print out a picture, take it in, and then recreate it on the computer . . . enjoy.

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(no subject)

Sep. 5th, 2006 | 11:30 pm

Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong, and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain.

       I touch her hair. Her shoulders clench together and she stares at the ground. She looks like a stone bird. I am an iceberg. Everyday I float farther and farther out to sea. But that can't be. An iceberg feels no pain. An iceberg doesn't feel cold. I feel cold. I feel distant. there is no one. There is nothing. That's where I am. She won't look me in the eye anymore since I asked if I could kiss her. Even wanting turns her cold.

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(no subject)

Sep. 3rd, 2006 | 02:19 pm

My feelings for you shame me into silence. The truth of this and your name will never be revealed. It is you who has made me realize the failure of my life. The thought of you fills me with longing and at the same time, a burning humiliation that produces scar tissue and dead brain cells. Your existence mocks me and I am unable to confront this. You have no idea of any of this. None of this is your fault. It is completely with me. It is you who makes me see what I really am. I am weak and out of touch with myself.

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(no subject)

Sep. 2nd, 2006 | 03:49 am
mood: blankblank

Can the constant affirmation of rejection seep into my fragmented state of mind?

What is it that I'm trying to dissuade from consuming every aspect of my life?

What am I going to do?  Where am I going to go?  To whom can I turn to?

When all else has left my side, there will be one thing, one gleam of hope for my tired heart to reside.

In what context can I place these flooding inner thoughts?

What medium?

What key?

What color of ink?

Black and blue, my one and only hope rests upon you.

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Grave Robbers

Sep. 1st, 2006 | 02:04 am
location: Me casa
mood: numbnumb
music: The Adicts//Steamroller

Today was an interesting day... first of all, i went to work, but afterwards me, nate, amber, austin, brittany, eireanne, moreen, this kid david, and i think that was it, had a little party at my house (dont worry, it wasnt really a party, it was more of just a group of people i havent seen in awhile hanging out, if it was a party i would of invited the rest of you), but anywho, we waited until dark and then drove to a graveyard on Ox Rd. and did some really cool grave rubbings with charcoal, which came out awesome. We got some food, and then me and eireanne dropped off nate and nate's babys mama amber off at home, then me and her went to alex's to hang out with him, nick, and nick's girlfriend sam to watch the new season of arrested development, which is unbelievably funny...........

i'm going to start writing my words on this chauncey for all you to see.  this will be a window into my madness  i hope you enjoy it. 

I wake feeling a thirst for knowledge

The eternal questions haunting my brain

I choose to face whatever facts are available

So much is unkown

But as long as we understand how little we know

Things will be alright.

Don't defend my actions

I can do that myself

Don't pretend this fraction

Affects your own health

Speak loud and clear and face your adversary

Whatever that may be.

But don't pretend it's not there

Lurking in every shadow, peering out from every alley, wallowing in every gutter, ready and waiting to find you

This life is too short to waste

I'll make the most of mine

You go do what you want with yours.

But my foot's on the gas, both hands are on the steering wheel

I've already passed the past, and what's ahead is the only thing that's real 

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Back to work

Aug. 30th, 2006 | 01:51 pm
location: Kitchen
mood: dirtydirty
music: Body Count//KKK Bitch

Well, I went back to work 4 days ago from a month break, and It has been busier than fuck . . . luckily todays my day off, my only day off, so I'm hanging out with Jes and others later. Anywho, I want to share with everyone a conversation which I thought was pretty entertaining . . .

Living Dead Girl:  do you need to take a shower or anything, or should i just
head on over?

Skankalicious:  you can head over... i think im going to become a crust punk,
haha, jkjk

Living Dead Girl:  a what?

Skankalicious:  crust punk:
a punk who hates politics and the government so much, that they refuse to take
a shower, due to the fact that the government provides them with the water.
resulting in a shit-like smell. 

Living Dead Girl:  eww
Living Dead Girl:  *gags*

Skankalicious:  example: Man it smells like shit in here!... there must have
been a crust punk show last night. 

Living Dead Girl:  ah i see

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Jes's new place...

Aug. 23rd, 2006 | 08:13 pm
location: Jes's new Casa
mood: nauseatednauseated
music: Stiff Little Fingers//Barbed Wire Love

Okay, so i got back from NC today, and it sucked. This room i stayed in with my dad had only a bunk bed and a broken fan. It sucked. Anyways, I called Jes as soon as I got back and I'm hanging out at her new place right now.

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Aug. 21st, 2006 | 01:22 am
location: Back in F-Town
mood: relievedrelieved
music: Cheap Sex//False Pride

Got back tonight from Washington... but im only here tonight, because in the morning im leaving for NC until thursday.

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